How the powerful statement, “You Helped Yourself” encouraged me to make changes in my life.

I heard a television show I was watching say, “You helped yourself.” I don’t know why, but I almost teared up a little. 

Why was this statement so powerful to me? 

Why was it triggering an emotional response? 

Maybe it is because I want to have my whole life figured out, but I don’t. 

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, or the next year. 

I feel like I am in tug-of-war battle with life. A lot of the time though, I just give in and allow “life” to take control. When I do give it control, it creates my day and manipulates my mood.  I feel like I have lost the day. 

I have to remind myself that I may have lost the day, but I have not lost the war. 

Being married to an active duty military man I have limited control over a lot in our life. His working hours change daily along with his mood, I have had to live away from him for a year of our marriage before,  and I have no control over where or when will move again. I constantly have to remake friends, change careers, and alter my comforts. 

As a military spouse…what do I really have control over? Myself. My actions.  

I am also a parent to a now toddler. He gives that added pizzazz to the day…The moms reading this will know what I mean. You never know what kind of day you are going to have with a toddler. All you can do is pray for the best and hope that the routines you do have in place are enough to limit the crazy tantrums or the “Mommy! Mommy’s!”

I truly enjoy him in my life, and cannot imagine a life now without him in it, but it doesn’t change the fact that it is tough. My “me time” is very limited, and there never seems like enough hours in the day. 

Both can be overwhelming and tough to handle. 

There are so many outside sources pulling me every which way. Sometimes I feel like I am losing myself and getting pulled under water. I can’t breath. I feel anxiety rush in. I can feel me losing myself. 

It is funny that I heard that powerful statement today, “you helped yourself.” 

I have been thinking a lot recently about what the right path is for myself. Am I choosing wisely? 

I tried a major balancing act since I had my son…taking on way more than I could handle alone. I spread myself thin trying to make this and that work. I stressed myself extra trying to do things that God didn’t give me favor for in order to create the opportunities I wanted in life. 

I just now began to open myself up to receiving clarity. 

I actually started, “Helping myself”. Not in the way I was before, where I was trying to be some version of Wonder Woman (because us mommas can do a lot of awesome stuff, but we can’t do everything, nor should we). 

I took a mental break from some things in my life that were stressing me out, and took on new, fun, endeavors that allowed me to use my creative side again. It was great for my mental health and helped me to return to who I truly am. 

During this time I thought about what I wanted out of life and what I wanted for my family. I played around with stopping my career in health and fitness all together. I was actually pretty shocked when my mind was pondering that and then doors started opening up in the field that I thought I was about to shut. 

I realized that I didn’t need to close the door on my dream of helping others in the health and fitness industry all together, I just needed to find the me in it again. 

When you do a career like mine where you are triggering an emotional response deep down in people it can go a lot of ways. Some think that you are calling them fat when you are talking to them, and a lot of the time personal trainers get “shamed” in different ways. No one wants to workout with us just for fun, everyone thinks we’re crazy for eating the way we do, or even my personal favorite, find in annoying when we get all excited when we talk about our passion. 

It can be a lonely career and lifestyle. It was eating away at me. 

I didn’t know what to say, what to do, who to be. There are so many people out there posing that they are professionals when they aren’t and that in turn makes it more difficult for me. Especially when these non-professionals say and do anything so cheap and even give false information and hope to anyone they come across. 

How can I compete with that? 

With all that digging at me, I turned to just working on my own physique and finding my own personal happiness again…at the gym. I missed the gym. I love the atmosphere, I love the people, I love the ability to space out and just focus on your muscles activating and growing. I feel empowered. I can’t seem to get that same feeling at home. 

Once I started being consistent again, I was revitalized! 

Then I was reminded of a quote, 

I help myself when I take time to write these to you. I get to focus on a topic that means a lot to me or triggers me some how, and I even get to put myself in your shoes. Doing so, helps me grow and become a better version of myself. 

I decided that I also wanted to help myself by helping train people in a gym setting again. So one day I just went to inquire and BAM…I got the job. 

I am thrilled. 

I don’t want to try to be like this trainer or that online influencer. I just want to be me. Coach Ash. I want to inspire people and help them acquire the tools to help themselves. 

That reminds me of another quote, 

Have you ever heard something multiple times, but then there is one specific time when your ears are actually listening and it triggers you? 

I believe it happens that way, because you are now ready to accept that information. Sometimes you have to be down in the dumps for your ears to open and for change to occur. Sometimes you just have to experience a shift. 

I write this blog to provide advice through a personal trainer, health coach, mother, wife, military spouse, and just every day person’s point of view. 

There are more things in life that we can control then we really think we do.  With that being said, there are plenty of these things that we can control that we allow to control us, or not recognize and do anything about. 

Sometimes I feel pretty alone, especially since the last few years I have been a stay-at-home mom, struggling to create a business/career. 

I use to let that feeling of loneliness control me. It would make me depressed and angry. I am not perfect about recognizing when it is stirring up, but I am much better. I take it day by day. I now know that I can manipulate the feeling of loneliness and transform it into something powerful…Strength in Me time. 

When I am alone, I do not have to feel alone. I am all the company I need (and God, of course). I found that it is easier to feel this difference when my head and mind are not in technology, but is instead doing something that causes growth in my life. Scrolling through facebook/instagram is never actually mindless because you are absorbing things even if you don’t realize it which in turn alters your mood and consciousness. 

I don’t need any extra outside “white noise” manipulating the day that I want to have… but that can be tough to get around with my career choice. Let’s just say, if you have seen my social media accounts you can tell that I am not the most consistent poster out there, nor do I really want to be. 

So, I began making small steps to create conscious decisions to “help myself”. 

On the days that I do so, my mood is lifted and I am less filled with anxiety. 

I have seen myself grow by stepping outside my comfort zone and beginning new endeavors, that of which I am excited to see the rewards blossom. I have even de-cluttered my mind a little (which is a hard feet in itself). 

Each time I take a step towards “helping myself”, new opportunities arise and new strength grows from inside me where I never knew strength was secretly residing.

How do you help yourself? 

• You help yourself by learning what in your daily life you can control and what you can’t. 

• You help yourself by re-ordering the things you can control into a plan that works for the life you want.
• You help yourself by being open to change and the understanding that as you grow, your goals will change.  

• You help yourself by believing in yourself and realizing that if you want something you have to go make it happen yourself. No one is going to make your dreams come true, but you.

If people are able to assist, then great, but you are more capable than you give yourself credit.

It will be tough, but not impossible. 

When you ask yourself the tough questions and when you go outside of your comfort zone, you “help yourself” gain power. You start to water your life like if you were a plant that was once forgotten and wilted. 

No one has to pour water on you to grow. You have the ability to do that yourself. If you wait for others you could be waiting an eternity. 

I don’t know about you, but if I have the power to increase my happiness in life, then I want to grab it by the reigns and do just that. 

It can be scary at first. Maybe you have to change around your daily priorities list. Maybe something that you placed high, really shouldn’t be that high. Maybe you have to give up control over something or someone that you have been holding on tight to. 

Change is hard. Starting something new is hard. Opening up to someone about your personal needs is hard. 

Whatever you want, you can obtain it. If you want to have a career that you are passionate about, then go get it! If you want to have more time to spend with your child(ren) then go do it! If you want to look and feel a certain way then go make it happen! 

Help Yourself. 

You will be so grateful that you did. 

I know that I have been. 

Sweat and Love,

Coach Ash